| and now that it's late, please understand that i'm not too close to what you were hoping for. |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|05:28 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| |  vomit-y | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | daphne loves derby | ] |
oh, look. i'm doing the livejournal thing again. 'cause it's not like i don't waste enough time with myspace. or xanga. or facebook. or huqa. or multiply. or any of the other pointless things that consume the majority of my energy.
the perks of livejournal? there's like, nobody that really reads it anymore. except liz, that is. god bless her. (even though, apparently, she's not coming home for thanksgiving? whaaaat?? i miss you.) this gives me the ability to rant about pretty much anything i want without the dangers of someone reading it that i wouldn't want to read it. yea. so here it goes.
i don't like being fucking lied to. or cheated on. or.. lied to. yea.
mmm i stayed home sick today and yesterday and now i'm trying to get a good rant going about how much people suck (not all people, just.. some) and i can't because i have too much to do. so i won't bother.
<4 |
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| where is your boy tonight? i hope he is a gentleman. |
[May. 31st, 2005|07:34 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | the killers | ] |
so, okay, i guess i might maybe perhaps start posting back in livejournal again. i kind of like the simplicity of it, although more people have xangas.. oh well. |
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| killer instincts tell her to be aware of evil men. |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|11:20 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | oasis | ] |
i'm making an executive decision that all of you who don't have xanga's should get one. because.. most of my texas folk have one, and.. now most of my illinois folk have one.. and it's a lot easier. so. you should all think about joining, it's a good cause.. i don't really know what i'm talking about. i will try to stay updated in here, though. but.. for those of you who care..
mi la xanga, amigos..
i looooooooove you all, dahlings. <3 |
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| it is the shorter story: no love, no glory, no hero in her sky. can't take my eyes off of you. |
[Jan. 16th, 2005|02:43 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | hellogoodbye | ] |
HAVE YOU..
[X] been drunk.
[X] smoked pot.
[X] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[ ] kissed a member of the same sex. (i'm not.. a flower? eh, eh? i'm clever.)
[X] ridden in a taxi.
[X] been dumped.
[ ] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[X] had a threesome. (this needs explanation.. but i'm too tired right now to comply. perhaps some other day. ask me.)
[X] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[X] made out with a stranger.
[ ] stolen something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[X] gone on a blind date.
[X] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[X] skipped school.
[X] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[X] had a sleepover party.
[ ] been ice skating. (we're going.. right now.)
[X] cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[X] been cheated on.
[ ] had a quinceanera. (i think this is the spanish 15th birthday. that's kind of bar/bat mitzfah-ish. but still no.)
[X] driven illegally.
DO YOU..
[ ] have a bf. (papaya?? no.. haha not even close. *sad face*)
[ ] have a gf.
[X] have a crush. (..whoa. it knows me so well!!)
[X] feel loved.
[X] feel lonely. (i guess i just need my very own little fruit for comfort..)
[X] feel happy.
[X] hate yourself.
[ ] think you're attractive.
[X] have a dog.
[X] have your own room.
[ ] listen to rap.
[X] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to soul.
[ ] listen to techno.
[X] listen to reggae/ska.
[ ] paint your nails.
[X] have more than one best friend. (everyone's my best friend!!)
[X] get good grades.
[X] play an instrument.
[X] have slippers.
[X] wear boxers. (to bed.. i have super mario brother ones that me and my jewish friend bought together. his are luigi. was that a little too much information?)
[X] wear black eyeliner.
[X] like the color blue.
[ ] like the color yellow.
[X] like to read.
[X] like to write.
[X] have long hair. (ish..)
[ ] have short hair.
[X] have a cell phone.
[X] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.
ARE YOU..
[X] bored.
[X] happy.
[ ] bilingual.
[X] short.
[ ] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[X] sick.
[X] lazy.
[X] single. (hmm.. wow how sad.)
[ ] taken.
[X] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[X] talking to someone.
[X] IM-ing someone.
[ ] scared to die.
[X] tired.
[X] sleepy.
[ ] annoyed. (i don't get annoyed that easily. or ever.)
[ ] hungry.
[X] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[X] in your room.
[X] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[X] in your pj's.
[ ] ticklish. (i'm not. scout's honor.)
[X] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic.
[ ] racist. (i'm not erin.. haha) |
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| “take the pills,” she said. “i'll leave them on the table in that same brown bottle you know.” |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|08:52 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | the clash | ] |
so, raise your hand if you hate school..
*raises hand wildly*
good, now raise your other hand if you hate loyola..
*furiously waves hands in an obnoxious, yet somewhat understandable manner*
some questions i was thinking about while not writing my theater review..
why are finals so shitty? why is fruit so useful in making codenames? why do we feel the need to have codenames? contraband isn't really a noun, is it? why does that take all the fun out of it? how is the clash so good? were they the first band to feature the guitar-smashing on an album cover? (london calling, bitches. but if you didn't know that, we're not possibly friends.) why do teachers make us write stupid play reviews that no ones going to read? can't we just discuss them in class? what's the point of giving our opinion about them to a piece of paper that the teacher will probably only skim? why don't i have more people's screennames? why don't more people have mine? or do they, and they just don't talk to me online? why do people like having such long, unnecessary conversations? why are unibrows so funny??
wow, it felt good to let some of that out. if you have answers to any/all of 'em, that'd be nice. otherwise, let's start an impromptu poll o' the day..
POLL QUESTION:
which is better? "death or glory"? or "london calling"?
comment with your answers, and i'll love you forever. |
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| i think i hate you. we've made the same mistakes, mistakes like friends do. |
[Jan. 12th, 2005|06:00 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| | cynical | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | the new pornographers | ] |
do you ever feel like you’re completely.. out of it? like.. life? in general? yea..
ok, it’s been awhile. so much has happened, i’m not really sure where to start. well obviously, i do.. FEST!! massive amounts of fun. sure, there was drama. and crazyness. but in the end, everything was awesome!! and i do mean awesome. haha, can i be more subtle? can i, please? oh dear.. there’s some stuff i wish i’d done, some stuff i wish i hadn’t, some people i wish i’d hung out with more, some people i wish i’d hung out with less.. but it all balanced out. because i love everyone.. and.. yea. i really kind of wish it had lasted longer. and i wish more people hadn’t been so cranky. (you probably think i’m talking about you, but i’m not. the person i’m talking about doesn’t read this, so it’s ok.) and i wish.. just.. that i’d been able to spend more time with like, everyone? yea. that sums it up. overall though, it was a super time. and i got a lot closer with some people. and kind of farther from others. but that’s ok, everything is wonderful and terrific and amazing. because of y-o-u. :-)
( the good (dare i say great?) times )
oh yea. i almost forgot. you know who’s soooooooo insaaaaaaaanely haaaaaaaawt? oh, that’s right. you do. |
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| they're scared that we know all the crimes they'll commit, who they'll kiss before they get home. |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|10:51 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | the eagles | ] |
i. am. so. excited.
for what, you ask.. unless you're one of the people going to FEST!! because then you'd be going to FEST!! and you'd know that i was happy for FEST!! because.. because it's FEST!!
oh, dora. enough of that. anyways, tomorrow we leave for fest. my excitement is increasing at two million excitement units per second. really. even though i know there's going to be a lot of drama. like.. lots and lots. tons and tons. bunches and bunches. heaps and heaps. loads and loads. piles and piles. masses and masses. OODLES AND OODLES!! there really will be that much, too. no exaggeration. and it's funny, because i think i can pretty much predict exactly what's going to happen, and with who, and.. all the shit. and i do mean all. the. shit. but.. i love everybody. i'm just throwing that out there now. EVERYBODY. because after this weekend, i'm really not sure everything's going to be the same. i truly hope so, but.. i doubt it. because i know people. and everything's just going to come crashing down. or i could be completely wrong, which would have its ups and downs. on the down side, that'd mean i was wrong. i hate being wrong. although, when you think about it.. does anyone ever like being wrong? "oh, i'll say the wrong answer, so that i can be proved wrong!! oww oww!!" no. that just doesn't happen. the thing is, there are just some people that deal with it better than others. others being me. anyways.. but the awesome side would be that there were no fights, no "falling outs", no second grade name calling, no crying in corners, no picking sides, no.. nothing. HEAVEN. hmm, speaking of texas.. ahem ahem. oh, those texas folk. do it in the kitchen with the candleSCHtick!! DO IT!! eeeeeemuh?!
p.s. YOU BITCH!! |
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| don't leave this rock unturned, because you could like what you find. |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|05:52 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| | cranky | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | macbeth | ] |
sometimes, i just wish i was somebody else. sometimes, i try to be something i’m not. sometimes, i don’t know what i really want. sometimes, i fall in and out of love waaaaay too easily. sometimes, i wonder why i even try. sometimes, i wish you could understand without having to explain. sometimes, i listen too much to other people’s opinions, and not enough to my own. sometimes, i’m terrified of letting people get too close. sometimes, i say things that i don’t really mean just to be nice. sometimes, i just wish i could tell you everything.
but sometimes, i don’t. |
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| some day, when we’re older, maybe you'll understand what i meant when i didn’t say anything. |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|01:28 am] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| |  apologetic | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | velma loves daphne | ] |
let me just start off by saying this.
i'm sorry.
ok. so can you spare me five minutes, and let me explain? i didn't plan for it to go this way. i didn't mean for everything to get so out of hand. and i apologize. but please understand that i in no way meant to hurt anyone. i was trying to do the exact opposite. for starters, i really was unsure. no matter what anyone might say. i promise with all my heart that i was puzzled and shocked and unsure and worried and confused. and i didn't know what to do (shocking, i know). so i did what i thought was best. and really, it was best. you were happy. i thought i was happy. everyone was happy. how could it have been the wrong decision? i didn't really think it mattered that i wasn't quite as happy as i pretended to be. as long as you were, and your friends were, wasn't that good enough? i guess it really wasn't. i guess i'm not very good at pretending. i just want to make it perfectly clear that this didn't start out as me thinking of ways to hurt you. because it wasn't. even though i know it probably seems that way. but then i realized that i was just lying to myself. which meant i was lying to you. i suppose in the beginning, i thought i could change. change what i really felt. but it turns out i don't ever quite know what i feel. and when i do figure it out, it's super hard to change. i tried so hard to make everything all better. you probably don't agree, but i did. and so i figured out what was going on inside my.. heart. i'm sorry it took so long to realize. it probably seems like i'm just a horrible person, but my intentions were good. i just wanted you to be happy. i just.. conveniantly forgot that i wasn't. until it was too obvious not to notice. i know it's a lot to ask, but i hope everything can get resolved and things can go back to the way they used to be. and i know you don't care. but i thought you should know this, in case you ever decide to un-robot yourself.
i hate hurting you. i hate disappointing you. i hate making you feel like so much less then you really are. and i hate myself for doing this. and i'm so, so sorry. |
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| it's a brand new day. |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|04:44 pm] |
| [ | feeling oh so |
| | irritated | ] |
| [ | rocking out to |
| | story of the year | ] |
some things i've been thinking about..
i never really write in here anymore. i'll start updating. because, i know how much you all care.. haha. and i don't mean online quizzes and such. although those are a blast. don't say you all don't simply adore them. right. the sad thing is, they're always right about me. i think i've discussed this with kristine. is it just that i'm too predictable? hmm.. who knows. but, like.. they always are completely right. and it's just like whoa. i'm not sure. why am i so readable? or, maybe i just answer what i feel is the right answer, instead of what i really feel. (because that made sense??) i've been thinking over the past couple of days, and i realized that not many people know me. but would you like to know why? it's because i don't know myself. and now that i understand that, i think i'll try to work on it. if i remember..
ok. another thought for the new year. i lie too much. not in a malicious i'm-doing-this-just-to-hurt-you kind of way. in fact, it's the exact opposite. i don't even really want to call it lying. because it's just.. not. but i have this tendency to say things i don't mean just to make other people happier. or i'll do things i don't really want to do. or i'll be convinced of something, even though i don't believe it. or.. oh, a million things. well, i'm going to try to stop. for example.. no, i'm not going to give one. if you think about it, i have a feeling you'll all know precisely what i'm talking about. and if you don't.. well think about it. just for a second.. ahh. i can see the lightbulb coming on. no? talk with me about it, i've got plenty to say. but anyways.. yea. so no more lying for me. but does that mean that i'm going to stop caring about people..? sometimes it just seems so much easier to say "yea, you know what i really do like the color orange." even if i don't. because that way.. everyone's happy. and does it really matter if maybe i'm not? um.. not so much.
fest is coming up. i've had so many mixed feelings about it. i'm excited. and.. who knows? maybe something terrific will happen. i doubt it. eh.. yes, it's going to be fun. and crazy. and amazing. and my question is.. what's better. leave everything peaceful right now, exactly as it is? or fuck things up, and make it awkward and horrible? exactly. why even think about choosing the second option? because THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO. so am i just seriously messed up? no, because i'd never do that. because i care too much about keeping conflict out of my life. so instead, i pretend like everything's wonderful. and other people are happy. and if i'm not, well, so what. i follow the greatest happiness theory. what's best is whatever gives the greatest number of people the greatest amount of happiness. so.. i'm looking forward to fest. but i think/know it's going to be full of a lot of drama. and i hate drama. so why do i get mixed up in it?? why does anyone get mixed up in it.
sarah, my post is sounding kind of.. you-know-what-ish. haha, that is amusing. because you all know of what i speak. well, hope everyone's oh five is full of good things, and.. eleemosynary. e-l-e-e-m-o-s-y-n-a-r-y. charitable; the giving of alms. (whoa, i don't know where that came from. i miss you all so much.) |
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